Sharing without fear
Fear is an interesting construct because while it has the ability to stunt you, it also has the ability to save you from potential danger. You can use fear to fail, freeze or fly. In a world that constantly erases the artist, especially African diaspora peoples, indigenous people and more specifically African diaspora women, it can be a paralyzing feeling to share your creative mind, body and resources. I often hear people say you have to put yourself out there to be seen and I don't disagree. However when you decide to shine unapologetically in the face of your deepest fears and others ascribe your brilliance and hard work to the workings of your male companions it can be devastatingly heartbreaking.
Now, I'm deeply invested in community and believe in the African proverb, If you want go fast, go alone but if you want to go far, go together. However there is something to be said about how women are overlooked in this society for their contributions. We are expected to include our communities just as a mother is expected to include her partner and children and I do not believe our very worthy men are held by the same expectation.
I remember studying the life of Frida Kahlo and watching her artistic struggle with her husband Diego Rivera. For a time, interviewers, curators and audiences continuously made mention of Diego as if Frida could not be or was not enough without his phallic presence. Her notoriety eventually surpassed Rivera's however the trauma of having to continuously deal with that and the excessive work she must have had to do to achieve complete autonomy seemed exhausting. I listen to people talk about Bois Kaiyman and primarily mention Dutty Boukman as the driving force in that revolutionary moment while haphazardly neglecting the indomitable presence of Cecil Fatiman. When we speak of Bob Marley, we rarely speak of Rita Marley's achievements and how she held that man and her family together. I’m wondering if she has ever sat for an interview where he wasn’t mentioned and perhaps she didn’t mind. But I also wonder how many interviews he would have to answer questions about the role she played in his life and maybe he didn’t mind either.
Perhaps I'm biased because I too have experienced this callous behavior throughout my life. I would conceptualize, choreograph, curate music, design costumes, schedule rehearsals, provide space and then post performance or in post performance conversations experience my male counterpart receive the bulk of accolades as if I were some kind of prop on the set. Traumas like these I have been exposed to by not only men but more so and most hurtfully by other women. Other women that would see me in my woman-ness and look right past me to the man I'm partnering with for validation of my work. Work that I've had equal and sometimes a greater hand in. Why?
I could give you an onslaught of answers but that would be presumptuous of the lives these women have lived. Instead I want to take a moment to say that this creates a cycle for all of us to be forgotten eventually. And by all of us I mean women, African diaspora women. By all of us, I mean African diaspora men and our beautiful babies and children. You might be saying, 'Oh Jamie you're being dramatic’ but just think about it. Let's say you are making a collective meal and someone in the community keeps walking in the kitchen and extracting ingredients from the recipe list. When it's time to reproduce this product, will it taste the same ? No, it absolutely will not. The real recipe will be lost. The taste and flavor of the original recipe will cease to exist. If we keep doing this who will call our daughters’ name, how will they know to call their own name?
Beyond being traumatizing, it makes you resentful towards people, the work and anything that looks like it is attempting to cultivate the idea of erasing you. I am not one to cheerlead moving through life with fear and I'm not going to do it now either. I will say that the fear of sharing can sometimes have validity and it’s an indicator to assert in as much grace and humility but with distinct accuracy your contributions in your given endeavors. It can also teach you to seek out ways of protecting your intellectual property which is a necessity with or without the fear.
The construct of fear runs deep because besides thinking somebody’s gonna steal your work, or leave you out of it, you also don’t want to speak up for fear of looking petty or being difficult or sounding ungrateful to those who are in your community or to your collaborators if you assert, "I did this or that" or "Please quote me appropriately" or "That's actually my work". This keeps us stuck and feeling a lack of power. I think we pass this lack of power on to other women and people through our own lack of acknowledgement of self. I think we pass it on to our communities. I think we pass it on to our children.
Now please understand, I most adamantly believe and ascribe to the practice of Ubuntu, I am, because we are and am very big on crediting others, so much so, I often forget to credit myself. I have quite literally had to learn to advocate for myself and still find myself learning this at age 40. A few years ago I would never speak publicly about this because I would think people might think I wasn't a team player or I was going against my own ethics and beliefs or perhaps just being a petty woman complaining about not being seen. Well turns out that's a suffering ass trip to somebody's labass. I am a woman concerned with the agency, regeneration and rise of my people and in order to do this I must also be invested and concerned about my own.
When you look around the space, ask yourself where are the women and why are they visibly absent or seemed to have disappeared in certain circles. Ask yourself why artists find it so difficult to share. Ask yourself how many things have African diaspora people, indigenous people created that they weren't credited for or needed some pseudo superior group to validate in order for it to be great or righteous. Ask yourself why does this woman need any other validation outside of the endless brilliance you've been privy to witness her perform. And then ask yourself how can I help this being to share without fear. And if you can't find a space to ask these questions of yourself then do us all a favor and find a corner to sit in while yuh hush yuh dutty stinking mouth and let people shine without handing them unnecessary traumas.
And for the ones who have felt the harsh strokes of erasure's brush, I implore you to come out from your hiding places and shine in the face of your fear. You deserve it and so does the rest of universe. Your voice, your work and your gifts are needed to keep the life cycle of the future effectively moving forward. Don't shrink! Stand up and call your own name so the names of others will be sweeter on your tongue.
Cover Photo by Salima Matthew
Mudcloth Bag: Harriets By Hekima (Brooklyn, New York)
Blouse: Harriets by Hekima